Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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