You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
COCAINE IS GR8
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
