In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
