I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
