Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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