I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
