Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
