So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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