Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
