2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
