Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
