Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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