you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
