If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
