no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
