Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
