Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
