I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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