do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
