My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
