Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
wow bdsm is so cute
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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