Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
