somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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