Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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