They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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