so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
