I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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