Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
