sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
