if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
