I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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