Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
