so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
