My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
