she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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