God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
