we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
