Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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