Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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