My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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