just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
