so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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