They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
