A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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