Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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