If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
