Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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