Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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