I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
