no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
